I cannot believe that NaNoWriMo is almost here again! This year is going to be a GREAT year! Why? I was selected as co-Municipal Liaison for the Houston Region, along with Maurice Lawless, who will be of great help during 30 days and nights of frenzied writing.

Those who follow my blog, or who know me, know what NaNoWriMo is and why it's important to me. For those who don't know:

What: NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, which takes place every November. You have 30 days to write a 175-page novel: roughly 50,000 words. For those of you who are not great with math, that breaks down to 1,667 words per day every day. As you can imagine, this is quite a challenge, but the real challenge isn't to write 50,000 brilliantly put-together words - the challenge is simply to write.

Why: NaNoWriMo is a fun exercise for writers, both experienced and novice. So many writers struggle with their inner editor, and often give up their passion because of their Blank Page Phobia. NaNoWriMo gives people like this the opportunity to abandon all pretense of literary propriety, and pound out the story in their heart without worrying about grammar, spelling, and punctuation (at least for thirty days!)

If you are a writer, an aspiring writer, or know of one, come join NaNoWriMo! I have participated the past three years, "won" two years ago, and am participating again this year, this time as a Municipal Liaison! If you sign up on the NaNo Forums, you can find your "Regional Lounge", and get to chatting with people in your area who will be preparing "Write In's" and other meet-ups throughout the month of November - all to help you get to 50,000 words by midnight, November 30th!

If you aren't a writer, or don't have time to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, please consider donating to the Office of Letters and Light, which is the non-profit organization that offers NaNoWriMo to the masses. (Donations are tax-deductible, too!)

Well, yesterday afternoon, we added a new fur-baby to our family! Meet Sukashi "Kashi" Suramono:

Yes, it's another Shiba Inu :) She's three years old, and was free from an ad on CraigsList. Her former family is relocating and they just couldn't keep her with their time constraints. It was very hard for them to give her up, but I think they know she will get lots of love and attention at her new home.

We drove to Dallas yesterday morning to meet a friend/business partner of Nick's, and then on the way home, we picked Kashi up. She was really great in the car, and slept a good chunk of the way. When we arrived home, we introduced her to Sookie first while on a walk, then introduced her to Godric while on a walk. There were a few huffs and puffs, but they all settled down after dinner and went to sleep.

This morning, I took Kashi on a walk by herself, and then we spent a couple hours on the floor with the dogs, taking them off their leashes and letting them get to know each other. Kashi is trying to establish her place in the pack, and has snarled a few times at Godric and Sookie. Surprisingly, and thankfully, Godric has done REALLY well. He's snarled back, but there's been no fighting. Sookie just wants to play and keeps booty-bumping Kashi  :)

It'll probably take a week for the three of them to adjust to a pack order, but I am encouraged by the progress made today. Godric and Sookie are doing really well, and Kashi will be fine once she establishes her place.

I watched footage of the tsunami as it hit the coast of Japan. The flood waters tore through the landscape, unhindered by houses, buildings, cars, trees, oil refineries, interstate systems...

I was horrified and absolutely heart-broken for the people of Japan.

I came to Houston for the first time about two months after Hurricane Ike hit, and drove down to Galveston, where the flood waters were most prevalent. It was a Ghost Town then, with whole streets of houses and buildings having disappeared, and rubble and debris piled six-feet high on every corner. The Bolivar Peninsula to the east of Galveston was completely washed away. Two years later, Galveston is recovering nicely, but there's still a lot more to be done in both Galveston and the Bolivar Peninsula.

The people of Texas really pulled together after Hurricane Ike, making me quite proud to be a Texan, though I'm not a native. I hope and pray that the citizens of Japan can do the same - brick-by-brick.

My heart aches for you, Japan, and my thoughts and prayers are with your people. May peace fill your hearts in this time of trouble, and may joy and triumph be yours, today and always.

One of the benefits of having a Nook is "Free Fridays" in the eBook store. This past Friday, the free eBook offering was a novel titled "Listen", by Rene Gutteridge.

The premise of the novel is this: Marlo is a small town where nothing newsworthy ever really happens. That is, until a website called ListenToYourself pops up in cyberspace with transcriptions of various conversations from the Marlo townsfolk; private conversations. Suspicion and mistrust begins to breed amongst the citizens of Marlo, and violence and condemnation erupt amongst even the closest of friends and the sanest of people.

The moral of the story is simple: "Be careful, little mouth, what you say."

This book can make the reader really squirm in their seats. We're all guilty of gossip, even vile gossip. One can easily see a bit of themselves in some of the characters, as they say or react to things in the same way we might, especially as a woman.

We've all heard the grade-school rhyme: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

How untrue!

How often have you felt hurt when you overhear a conversation in which you are not being mentioned in a positive manner? Sure, you can sniff your nose, hold your head high, and pretend that "words can never hurt you", but you know and I know that you're lying to yourself. It hurts, even if just a little.

How often have you said something about someone else, and once it got back to them, you really regretted it? Then, you've not only hurt someone else, you've also hurt yourself and your relationship with that person.

How often have you heard of someone who let the words of others eat at them, only to lash out with hurtful words of their own? Recently, several authors have been in the news for writing scathing blog posts in response to less-than-glowing reviews of their books. These same authors have now severely handicapped their chances of future agent representations, publishing contracts, and readers.

How much more peaceful would the world be if we learned how to "tame the tongue"? How much unnecessary conflict and heartache would we avoid?

This book, despite its obvious religious undertones, serves as a good reminder to be mindful of what I say - and of what I write.

At approximately 3:00 pm yesterday, my Uncle Jim passed away, after battling with prostate cancer for the past four or five months. He is no longer in pain, and for that, I'm thankful.

It still hurts, though.

Aunt Sharon cried with me on the phone, when I called her after the diagnosis. What do you do when you can't help the one you love more than life itself?

I wanted to help. I tried to help. I put them in contact with a doctor from M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, who was ready to admit Uncle Jim if he could make it to Houston, but he decided to stay in Milwaukee and receive treatment there. Treating prostate cancer is still a mostly-unsuccessful process, especially when the patient is as far along as Uncle Jim was when he was diagnosed. No matter, though. I still had to try.

It's situations like this that further my belief in Heaven. This world we live in - it's Hell. We see glimpses of Heaven, and grace and mercy still shine down on us, but there's something greater beyond the horizon.

Michael English sings a song about Heaven that goes: "Friends that don't leave you. Smiles that don't fade. Nobody's hurting, no one's afraid. No hungry children. Loves ones don't die. No sad farewells, there'll be no more good-byes." That place exists. I know it does.

When Uncle Jim took his last breath yesterday, Heaven gained another angel, and Nana and Papa were reunited with one of their precious children.

Peace is now yours, Uncle Jim. I love you.

Today, we wanted to get out of the house for a bit, so we went to the Barnes & Noble down the street. Nick promptly set up in the cafe with his laptop, and I started wandering the bookshelves. I've been meaning to get some new books for a while. I've just been re-reading the same books over and over, and as a result, I could feel my imagination wasting away.

I found three books: "Water for Elephants", "We Never Talk About My Brother", and "The Book Thief".  Three very different books; three very different writers. I couldn't be happier!  =) The first book in my line-up is "Water for Elephants", written by Sara Gruen, a NaNoNovelist! This novel is actually one she wrote during NaNoWriMo, which is especially inspiring. I started the book today, and I knew from the first few sentences that it was going to be "a good one".

The second book, "We Never Talk About My Brother", by Peter S. Beagle (my all-time favorite author), is actually a collection of short stories and poems. It's a book I've wanted for a while, so I am excited to start turning the pages. I found out just the other day that Peter has new material coming out soon, so I have a lot to look forward to in 2011 already!

The last book in my line-up, "The Book Thief", by Markus Zusak, was recommended to me when I was gobbling up all things related to WW2 in preparation for "Notes In F#". I love how Markus' story portrays books as treasures; they are treasures, after all, and worthy of saving for future generations. I am also going to use this book as part of my inspiration to continue writing "Notes In F#". I was re-reading what I already have, and was, begrudgingly, little impressed with the story, the characters, and the plot... It's time.

...

While we were in B&N, I took some time to check out the nook and the nookColor.  I've been going back-and-forth between the nook and Amazon's Kindle, and while I believe I'd be happy with both, I am leaning more towards the nook. It's cheaper, it gets the job done, has ample storage capacity, has a removable and replaceable battery, and my Barnes & Noble store is right down the street in the event any issues pop up.

It'll be nice to take my book collection with me - to work, to the gym, to the park, to a coffee shop, and on road trips - and not lug around a backpack full of books. I really want to "go back to my roots", so to speak, and get back to reading and writing on a daily basis. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me for the past few months now, and I'm ready to get out of my funk.

...

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my little family? Look at this picture I took the other night:

I've come to really appreciate the security and love I have within my circle of "partners in crime". I don't know what I would do without them...With that said, it's time to curl up with all of my "babies" and enjoy the last few hours of the weekend.

Til' tomorrow...

Well, we decided to scrap the work that was being done on HoustonLovesCoffee, as the guy was just not doing things to our liking, or quickly enough. I was really disappointed, but glad we didn’t pay him a lot of money or waste too much time. Nick decided to do the logo himself, and wow! It turned out amazing! It’s very “brandable” and easily recognizable. I will definitely put it on coffee mugs, T-shirts, and bumper stickers! Nick also decided to do the site design himself, which makes me feel a lot better, as I like everything he designs. Hopefully we will have made some forward progress by the weekend!

I found out that I may have access to the SCAA Event via a Press Pass. All that’s required, as far as I can tell, is that you have an active news outlet that has covered the coffee industry at least once in the past 12 months. By the time “The Event” rolls around, I hope to have had at least three months behind me in industry news. I am going to subscribe to the Roast and Fine Cup Magazines to stay “in the loop”, and I have already subscribed to several other coffee-related blogs, too.

If I do indeed have access to “The Event” via a Press Pass, my name and the site’s name will be listed on a document that is passed out to all of the vendors and participants, in case they want to contact me regarding my site. I plan on making a T-shirt to wear with the HLC logo, as well as business cards or post cards to pass out to people I meet. I’d like to establish relationships where I can with product and/or service vendors, as there will be a few spots on HLC for advertising.

I have a lot of work to do beforehand. I need to get pictures, information, and reviews up about the coffee shops I’ve been to, as well as do my own personal research on the coffee shops I haven’t been to. My hope is that I will attend “The Event” on the first day, pass out my cards/postcards, the local coffee shops will see an influx of new customers because of their exposure and status on HoustonLovesCoffee, and I will see an influx of new users on my site.

The one thing I have to figure out is how to get Houstonians to review their favorite (or not-so-favorite) coffee shop(s) on HLC. I’m sure there’s something I can do to market within the coffee shops themselves, but those ideas are still percolating (ha!) in my head. I’d love to do a FaceBook ad, and target Houstonians who have coffee-related interests, but the ads are expensive! Thankfully, Nick also has experience in internet marketing, so I’m sure I’ll pick his brain on that.

I am ready to get this ball rolling!

…

In other news, I have already failed miserably in keeping most of my New Year’s Resolutions, but instead of beating myself up, I’m just going to jump back on the horse and keep riding!

I did start going to the gym, and plan to really tie myself down to going at least three times a week. I need it, not just to stay healthy, but also to stay sane. I find that I become increasingly aggressive and agitated if I have no physical outlet to release my stress. Perhaps I should take up kick-boxing!

I have also spent more time with friends. In fact, just last night, I went out with my favorite girls, Hillary, Edyta, and Kasey, for Mexican food. Tonight, we’re all going out for sushi with some other co-workers. I just keep missing phone calls from my “starshine”, Kristen, and I need to tie myself down to being available at a certain time every week to talk with her.

I can’t say I’ve spent less time in front of the computer, or more time with the dogs, or that I’ve written every day…

I miss writing. I miss being able to sit down in front of a blank sheet of paper, and letting the words flow like water from a spring. Now, I find myself uninspired and fearful. I have been thinking more about Notes in F#, and feel that I have a really good story in the making, if only I can figure out how it ends…

Maybe it’s good to not know the ending.

Maybe I should just write.

Yipee!! Almost my whole order from Amazon came today: a gram scale, tamper, frothing pitcher, a frothing/steam thermometer, and a set of demitasse spoons! All I’m waiting on now are my espresso and cappuccino cups. I’ve been reading a lot on how to pull a good shot (or, at least, a decent shot, given the equipment I have to work with for now), and how to properly froth the milk and create beautiful microfoam. I can’t wait to experiment!

I have been waiting on the designer I hired to design HoustonLovesCoffee.com to hurry up and finish. He gave me a three-day timeframe, but as of yesterday, he hadn’t even started and today is the third day. I don’t have much faith in him right now, but I know if he doesn’t work out, Nick can design something beautiful. I am excited to get the site up and running, and to put some quality content on it. I don’t yet know how I can promote HoustonLovesCoffee with the upcoming SCAA conference, but I know I can do something.

My goal for HoustonLovesCoffee is to promote the specialty coffee industry in Houston. I want my site to be the place people go to for reviews on local coffee shops, for industry and cultural news (both local and international), and to learn more about the growing specialty industry in Houston. I plan on featuring local indie coffee shops and roasters, sharing tips on coffee and espresso preparation, posting news articles about happenings in the coffee industry, and featuring interviews with local coffee shop owners, roasters, and baristas.

With SCAA’s “The Event” being hosted here in Houston in April, the spotlight will be put on our city’s growing niche, and I want my site to be part of that exposure. Sure, you can read reviews on Yelp!, but HLC is going to be intimate, informative, and all-inclusive. Part of the allure of the specialty coffee industry is the raw, intense passion owners, roasters, and baristas have for the brew and for their craft. That passion shines through in every cup they produce, and the consumer realizes that what they’re drinking isn’t just your typical “coffee”. It’s “God in a cup” as Don Holly, quality control manager for Green Mountain Coffee in Vermont, so aptly put it.

It is high time that I do something that I actually want to do, and combining my passion for writing and coffee is just the thing.

I usually don't write New Year's Resolutions, as I feel that many people give themselves unattainable and unreasonable goals, and then fail half-way through the year, if not sooner, because they become discouraged.

However, this year, I want to have more direction, and since I seem to remember things I write better than things I hear, think, or say, I thought I'd give myself some simple goals to attain throughout the New Year:

1.     Make a point to show love, respect, and trust to Nick every day.

2.    Become a friend a friend would like to have: answer/return phone calls, check in at least once a week, spend time with those you can.

3.    Call Mom more often.

4.    Write more letters to Uncle Jim and Aunt Sharon, Grandmother, and Uncle Dee.

5.    Judge less, listen more.

6.    Take more pictures.

7.    Spend more time outdoors with Godric and Sookie.

8.    Spend less time in front of the computer.

9.    Explore all of the fun nooks and crannies of Houston.

10. Save money.

11.  Spend wisely.

12. Pay off debts.

13. Learn enough Italian to carry on a short conversation.

14. Lose 20 lbs. and maintain weight loss.

15. Write every day. Even if it’s only a sentence.

16. Read a new book every month.

... those are just a few things that I have deemed important for 2011. They're all entirely attainable, and I know that I can achieve each and every one of the goals with a little hard work and dedication.

Okay, so I was being completely unrealistic, thinking I’d have time to complete NaNoWriMo this year. November was an incredibly busy month, and went by so fast, I don’t think I blinked! I’m a little disappointed that I couldn’t do NaNo this year, but I did get some great ideas for my story, and I will continue writing it throughout this next year, so I can finally start with a clean slate next November!

So, what was November filled with, if not feverish writing? I couldn’t really tell you! There was always something to do. We helped Hillary and Edyta paint their apartment and get ready for Thanksgiving. We had a great Thanksgiving meal with them, and had a ton of fun shopping on Black Friday… Most importantly, we finally decided to start car shopping for a new car, as my “ol’ girl” was starting to be more and more trouble. Two years ago, the heater core went out; six months ago, the front A/C vents stopped blowing cool air and would only blow through the windshield vents; then, about a month ago, the brake lights stopped working. Every time we replaced the fuse, it would pop almost immediately. We could have taken her to the shop, but the cost of the repairs would not be congruent with the value of the car; not to mention, who has money for car repairs during the holiday season?

We found some cars at a local Volkswagen dealership that we really liked, but try as they might (and they really did), they couldn’t get us financed without a substantial (i.e., $2000+) down-payment. With Christmas coming up quickly, and with the necessity of having to save money for traveling back to Florida, a down-payment was not do-able, so we looked at a few other online vendors, but didn’t see anything we really loved. Then, my boss, who used to be a car salesman for years, referred us to an old friend who owns a dealership that does in-house financing. We checked out the dealership’s website and saw a couple cars that fit the bill, but again, nothing we really loved. We decided to go look anyway, because we really needed a newer, better car.

We made an appointment for Black Friday and met with Jose, the Internet Sales Manager. He showed us the two cars we were interested in: a Mini Cooper and a Chrysler Pacifica. I liked the Mini but could tell it was used and it didn’t really fit what we needed in our next car, anyway. The Pacifica was really nice on the inside, but it looked plain on the outside and too similar to a mini-van.

Charlie, the owner of the dealership came to talk with us when we were done looking at the cars, and we told him our story, from how we were on the verge of starting our own business when we decided to rescue the construction company, to how we had to make personal sacrifices (i.e., our credit) to rescue the company that, in the end, saved a lot of people a lot of heartache. He was really impressed with our story, and seemed to like us a lot. So, after some more chatting, he told us to go look at a Kia Soul he had on his other lot. He said it was brand new, only had 3,400 miles on it, and since it was still under full factory warranty, he could work within our specified confines.

So, Jose drove us over the other lot, and as soon as I saw the Soul, I fell in love =) It was so “me”. However, as soon as I found out it was a manual, I remembered tearing Nick’s clutch up years ago, when he tried to teach me how to drive his Trans AM. I wasn’t so thrilled anymore. Long story short, Nick convinced me to take the Soul for a test drive anyway, and with 30 minutes of driving, I only stalled out once! =) I was hooked once again!

We went back to the dealership and worked out a deal with Charlie. After some haggling, and realizing that we had been slightly unrealistic with our expectations of a monthly payment, we decided on a deal: No down payment, a trade-in value of $2,000 for my Taurus, and a monthly payment that was $100 higher than we had initially wanted to pay. Since we were not quite ready to decide, we were told we would have a few days to think about it, so off we went. That was on Friday.

On Monday, Jose called us and said no one else had expressed an interest in the Soul, so we were “probably good” for another couple more days. Tuesday, after work, we made the decision to get the Soul, so we called the dealership an hour before they were supposed to close, but reached their automated service instead. On Wednesday morning, I called Jose, told him we had decided to get the Soul and that we would be in that evening, but only if the deal we had worked out on Friday was still valid. He assured me it was, so after work, we went to the dealership, excited and nervous about getting our new car.

When we got there, Jose went through all of my paperwork, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Then, he disappeared for about thirty minutes. When he came back, he said, “Look guys, Charlie says he needs $1,000 down.” Immediately, Nick and I started gathering our things and told them that we were not happy they had wasted our time and lied to us. Jose asked us to go in another office, where one of Charlie’s cronies was waiting for us. Once again, long story short, he said that the deal we had been offered “was only good until Saturday” and that Charlie could “accept $500 now, and $500 in two weeks” if that helped.

We explained that we had made Charlie and Jose very aware of our situation (bad credit and not wanting a down-payment so close to Christmas travel plans), and that we were given no “time limit” on the deal; that, in fact, we were given quite the opposite. We also pointed out that we would have been there the day before if they hadn’t closed early without warning. Thank goodness Nick was there, because he handled the situation very well; I would either have cried or yelled, or both. We wound up walking out, with promises of a phone call in the morning to “clear things up.”

I was extremely nervous the next morning and was anxiously waiting to hear from Nick on whether or not he spoke with Charlie. Nick finally called and said that after he and Charlie exchanged a few words, they finally worked out a better arrangement that we had initially agreed to, and we could pick the Soul up that night! Needless to say, that day was a very long day! ;-)

The signing went smoothly, and even fairly quickly, and within an hour, we were driving off the lot in our brand new, 2010 Kia Soul!

She is definitely a big step up from my 1997 Taurus! She has a sunroof, hands-free BlueTooth phone integration, iPod integration, and Sirius satellite radio; not to mention, working heat, A/C, and brake lights! I tell you, it truly is the small things you learn to appreciate! =) We lucked out with this edition, too, as it’s a Special Edition, and comes with an upgraded stereo package and nice 18” wheels. I think Nick and I have done more “cruising” this past weekend that we have in months!

One of the other things I love about the Soul, and something we were specifically looking for in all of the vehicles we were interested in, is an area for Godric and Sookie. Since we take them on our road-trips, we like them to be comfortable and to have their own space. The hatch/trunk area of the Soul is a perfect size for them, and will keep them separated from us without confining them in too small a space. The whole car is comfy and spacious, and it’s a ton of fun to drive! This will be my vehicle for years to come, so I’m glad I didn’t have to settle and that I was able to get something I really love.

While we still only have one vehicle for the time being, we anticipate having another by Spring of next year. Nick has decided to get a full-time corporate job so that we can get back on our feet more easily and quickly, and has been tweaking his resume for future applications and interviews. We decided to make buying the Soul our “spring-board” of sorts to getting back on track. Out with the old, in with the new!

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and realize that you are just wasting your time and spinning your wheels?

I’ve been having a lot of those days lately.

Do you know what I do all day? I listen to tapes and type everything I hear – day in, day out. I am constantly barraged by other co-workers, needing me to do this or that for them. Subsequently, I am now four months behind on some of my work, because other parts of my work take precedence. I have never been behind in anything, so to be perpetually behind, no matter what, is incredibly frustrating for me.

I hate my job.

On the other hand, I love my co-workers- well, most of them, anyway. Because of this job, I have real friends for the first time since I moved here. Because of this job, I’ve had the opportunity to meet people that I believe will be friends for life.

I’m ready to move on, though. I am meant for so much more than sitting in a secluded, messy, over-stocked office, typing my life away.  I know that at one point or another, we all have to sacrifice our dreams, and even our sanity, so that we can do something that, while it may be aggravating and tedious, will lead to reaching our goals in the end, but... I don’t think this is that “something.”

Who knows? I could be wrong. Men’s plans, God laughing, and all…

Nick is currently working on a couple of business plans with Jon, and if things go the way they hope, next year will be a much better year than this one. It’s hard to believe sometimes, when I look back and think that not even two years ago, the world was our oyster and we were on our way to living our dream.  Things have changed so much; not just for us, but for everyone. It’s amazing how quickly it happened. These are the times, though, when we find out just who and what we really are, and what we’re truly capable of.

If you want to know a man’s true character – give him a hard time.

I can't say that I would change anything, though it hasn't always been pleasant. I've grown so much over the past two years and I've learned what really matters and that I can bear more than I ever thought I could. I've also learned that miracles still exist and that the human race is not always as bad as the news and media make us out to be.

I was walking through a store today and saw the latest Cosmo © magazine, with a headline that stated, “What They Don’t Tell You about Marriage.”

I shook my head and scoffed. I can tell you what “they don’t tell you about marriage,” and I am positive that Cosmo © and I would have differing views.

What they don’t tell you about marriage is that it takes work. Hard work.

It requires compromise and learning how and when to choose your battles.

It is bolstered by love, but it is supported by a foundation of communication, mutual trust, accountability, attraction, common interests and goals, security, honesty, dependability, and friendship.

Communication is key to having a healthy, thriving marriage. Once you lose communication, you’re heading down a slippery slope.

And I’m not just talking about the, “You never talk to me anymore,” kind of communication. I’m talking about the, “Honey, you’ve been working so hard lately, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you providing for our family, but when you come home and don’t want to talk, I feel lonely and sad,” kind of communication. Really getting to the root of the issue at hand.

When a husband and wife lose communication, it trickles down to their children, and to the rest of the family.

My own family has a huge communication problem; we’ve always had one. And it has cost all of us dearly.

My parents? Divorced.

My oldest brother? Divorced

My other brother? Separated and divorcing.

Me? My lack of communication has led to betrayal, and it almost cost me the love of my life.

When did it become commonplace for families to stop talking to each other? To neglect holding each other accountable when no one else cares to? When did it become “normal” to get divorced when a problem arises, and for children to come from broken homes?

When I think about my nephews and niece going through what I went through in my parents’ divorce, it makes my heart so heavy.

I was miserable. I cried myself to sleep every night for a long, long time. I felt torn between both parents. I felt a lot of guilt and shame. I lost years with my father because of my insecurities and ignorance. I also built up a lot of resentment towards my mother.

My mom doesn’t understand the harm that has been done to her children by the lack of communication within our family. She told me in an e-mail that she didn’t believe there was “any need to re-hash old business” because “God takes care of that.”

That’s the problem. God doesn’t “take care of that.” That’s our responsibility – to tell people what we’re really feeling; to communicate openly and honestly about our problems. God can’t do that for us.

She wonders why the boys don’t confide in her. It’s because no one feels as if they can confide in – or trust – the other. They each have been hurt by the other, and they’ve never resolved their issues. Instead, we all choose to ignore it and act as if everything is fine and dandy.

Smoke and mirrors.

There has been a radical break-down in the integrity of the “American family.” After-school programs have doubled in size, nannies, daycares, and baby-sitters have more work than they can handle, and frozen meals and TV dinner trays are commonplace in the American household. TV’s and video games have become our childrens primary entertainment, and most parents couldn’t tell you the first thing about their child’s interests, hopes, dreams, or friends.

With the cost of living sky-rocketing, parents have to work longer hours and are not home long enough to establish a reliable presence. Children are often left to fend for themselves, and to learn values and morals from their friends, acquaintances, and characters of their favorite TV shows.

Maybe I’m “old-fashioned” or would be considered a “dud,” but I long for the days of old, when families made a point to eat together at the table every night, when one parent was always there to see the children off to school and to greet them when they came home, when playing outside was the greatest pastime for children, when parents presented a united front at all times, and when separation and divorce was taboo.

I desire these things for my own family, present and future. But how do you achieve and keep that kind of balance when the distractions of the world have such attraction and pull?

I wish I could heal my family. I wish I could take back the decades of facades and fantasy and start over. I wish I could solve their problems, ease their minds, give them peace and understanding…

DeAnna quoted a Bible verse recently on her FaceBook that said:

”The Lord says, “I was ready to respond, but no one asked for help. I was ready to be found, but no one was looking for me. I said, ‘Here I am, here I am!’ to a nation that did not call on my name.”” (Isaiah 65:1, NLT).

Even God recognizes our lack of communication. We don’t communicate with Him anymore, either.

I have entirely too much to update since my last posting!

Well, I have to start somewhere, right?

First, I want to say a big “THANK YOU!” to my wonderful boyfriend, Nick, for creating and designing my very own “dot com.” It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?!

Previously, I had three other online journals and it became so time-consuming to update all three that I just stopped updating completely. That is probably why I didn’t achieve better results during NaNoWriMo last year. A writer is supposed to write every day! Not just when we/I feel like it. So, now that I have one place where I can store all of my writing, I intend on “getting back in the groove” and really focusing on growing as a writer.

First, though, I need to get up to speed on what’s been happening in my life since I last wrote in my journal: December of 2009. Yikes! A lot has happened since then, and I am still floored to think that we’re already in August of 2010. Before I know it, Christmas will be here again!

So, since December of 2009, Nick and I have moved into a new apartment, just down the road from our old one. It’s a beautiful apartment, with hardwood floors throughout, lots of storage space, two large bedrooms and a lovely vegetable garden that is maintained by our downstairs neighbors. It also decreased what we were paying at the other place by more than half! Needless to say, we were thrilled to have found our new place.

Around the time that we moved, I decided to take on another job as a Medical Transcriptionist and manage my cleaning company on the side. The time to earn money is now, while there is money to be earned and saved. I really enjoy what I do, though the work does get tedious sometimes. All of my co-workers are wonderful, and I have made some new friends, which is the best part.

Nick has been keeping busy with website design and search engine optimization work, and has completely backed out of the construction field. If and when a hurricane hits, he’ll get back in the game and that work will probably keep him tied up for at least a few months. He and his business partners are already preparing with tarps and wood, and Nick has sales-people lined up and ready to when a hurricane hits land.

Ideally, we’d like to take some time off work after a hurricane and travel, but you know what they say about “men making plans,” right? God laughs =)

One of the best things that has happened since December is our newest fur-baby addition: Sookie!

We found her on CraigsList, being given away for free, so we drove up to Dallas (again!) and picked her up. She had been an outside dog up until then, and aside from stinking to high heaven and having a couple of fleas, she was in perfect condition. It was amazing, really. We took her to our vet and thought for sure she would have heartworms, but Dr. Parham gave Sookie a clean bill of health!

Since then, she has added so much joy to our household. Godric took a week to warm up to her, but since then, they’ve been the best of friends. She is the cutest, nosiest Shiba I have ever seen! She gets away with everything because she’s so cute! She loves belly rubs and will roll over on her back if she thinks she can convince you to scratch her for any length of time.

She’s been really good for Godric, as she is really playful and will “booty-bump” him until he finally gets up to play. She keeps him from being lazy =) She had quite a few accidents at first, which was to be expected considering she was an outside dog, but she’s come a long way since then, and we think (knock on wood!) that we finally have her on a good schedule!

Nick and I were able to visit our families for July 4^th, and we had a great time. It was also the first time I had seen my Dad, Maureen and Mark since January of 2009. Needless to say, I was a happy, happy girl =)

Recent family developments have left me dismayed and confused, but I know that God has it all under control.

A couple months ago, Mark let the family know that he and Dee were separated and that they have had problems for years now. It came as no real surprise to me, but my heart aches for my brother and his family; especially for my nephew and niece. Dee and the kids have since moved to Chicago to be with her family and to have their support, but Mark is still living in Orlando. I don’t know if they will ultimately choose to divorce, but I pray every day that whatever the end result turns out to be, it will be the right one.

The rest of my family is doing well. Paul and Sheila are still together and happy. Cindy and James moved in with Thomas, which puts them on the same side of the bridge as my mom. Kimmy is now the proud mommy of a beautiful little girl named Bella Nicole! Julian got his first real job and is so excited to be making his own money. My mom has become a lot more independent and spends a lot of time with her girlfriends from church. (I’m so proud of her. I know she misses me, but I really think it was for the best for both of us.) My dad just returned from his annual Alaska Bike Run and is itching to start teaching again.

I sure do miss them, but being away just makes our time together that much more special.

Nick’s family is finally on stable ground again, now that Mom Martinez and Chano have steady jobs. Monica and Clarance finally moved out with the baby and are living in their own house in Georgia. “Ms. Lovely” is as lovely as ever and never fails to amaze me with how much she reminds me of Nick. I really miss spending time with Mom Martinez. It makes me smile to think of the late nights when we’d go to Dunkin’ Donuts for a coffee and then on to IHOP for breakfast =) I sure don’t miss the work, though!

Other than that, life has been the usual: crazy, unpredictable and maddening at times, but oh-so-worth-it!

I can't wait to chronicle the rest of my amazing journey here!

Do you ever feel like there just isn’t time enough in the day to get things done?

I remember when I was a kid, days stretched on like the horizon, never-ending. Now, they whiz by like a freight train and with as much force. I know what the term “crunched for time” is now. I literally feel like I am being “crunched” by time, especially lately.

Perhaps it is lack of organization or because I need to reorganize my priorities, but right now, I don’t care. I just want to sleep and let all of my problems fix themselves.

Ha.

Not happening!

So, it’s on with life I go!

Mark called last night with a great idea to throw my mom a surprise birthday party for her 60th birthday in September. I don’t remember my mom ever having an actual birthday party, much less a surprise party. I mean, sure, we took her out to dinner and bought her nice things, but she’s never had a party with friends and family.

So, Mark is going to make reservations at a place like Buca Di Beppo, and is working with two of my mom’s closest friends to arrange the Guest List. Mark said it wouldn’t be the same without me there, so he is going to look into airline tickets to see if he can buy one for me so I can fly in and surprise my mom. I think this is so sweet and thoughtful of him, and I just know my mom will love this.

Mark also wants to come visit us for a weekend, so he’s checking for flights from Orlando to Houston. It sure would be great to have him here, even if just for a little while. I know he would love RA Sushi, and he’d probably like Central Market and Pub Fiction, too.  I wish I lived closer to him. I know he misses his family.  I hate to think of any of my loved ones being lonely or sad…

It was really great to see him over July 4th weekend:

Even though I don't see my family as often as I'd like, and even though we don't talk on the phone every week, or sometimes even every month, I know that the bond we share is unconditional and never-ending.

Wow, it's been awhile since I last updated! Not too much has really happened, but I do like to keep a journal of events that involve people - and in this case, an animal - that I love. Y'know, so when I have children, ten years from now when Godric is an old man, I can show them this journal and say, "That's Godric when he was one year old!" =)

Godric has been doing really well and we have grown really attached to him. We have snuggle time every day, several times a day! We've been working on a couple of things with him, the first being his reaction to other dogs. When I take him out for walks and we encounter another dog, sometimes he'll get all wriggly like a puppy and just sniff politely. (Is "wriggly" even a word?) Most of the time, though, he'll sniff them and then start barking ferociously, pulling on his leash, and sometimes even doing back-flips in mid-air when I try to pull him away or distract him.

Myrrh had told us that he did fine with her Shibas, so I don't know if he's just not greeting the dogs we meet in a proper word or if he really needs some socialization. Nick and I have been extremely busy the past month, but I fully intend on taking Godric to Doggy Day-Care within the next month so he can start getting used to meeting and playing nicely with other dogs. We live in a very pet-friendly area, so he has no choice but to get along with other animals.

The other issue we've had is keeping him in his kennel when we're gone. At first, we didn't even use the kennel, but when he started getting into things when we weren't around, we decided to kennel him while we were out of the apartment. He practically tore up his kennel the first few times we put him in there, but Nick did some work to strengthen it and we've also learned to keep him entertained with a Kong filled with peanut-butter or all-natural, plain yogurt. (He loves that stuff!)

He's gotten a lot better with the kennel and now he just whines and does the "Shiba Scream" for a few minutes and then settles down. He's such a good boy =)

Here are some recent pictures of our sweet boy:

As you can see, he loves to cuddle =) The third picture is his "Scratch My Belly" pose. He'll spread his legs open so we can scratch the inside of his thighs and his belly. He could stay like that forever if our fingers had that kind of stamina!

Nick and I will probably not be moving to a bigger place until later next year, but when we do, we are considering getting another Shiba. They are so unique and beautiful, and as with any Italian family, "The more the merrier!"

I found an old book of mine that I used for a Creative Writing class in college. It's called the *Creative Writer's Handbook by Phillip Jason and Allen Lefcowitz. In chapter five, titled, Invention and Research, they talk about originality in writing. I think this is something many writers struggle with. Indeed, I do.

They had this to say:

"Originally, the word original meant the source, the starting point, the cause of a series of effects... In this sense, the term only describes; it does not evaluate. In time, it came to mean the primary instance of something after which only copies or imitations were possible.Because we tend to value a copy less than its original, we can be led to an irritable striving after originality in everything- as if the only valuable creation is one in which the creator has done everything in a totally new way."

When I read the above passage, I thought, Of course! Even the Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun. We say that history repeats itself. The fashion world says that every style eventually comes full-circle. Nothing really is original... is it?

The book goes on to say that:

"Insisiting that imitation is always bad and that originality, meaning uniqueness, is always good can be a trap for the beginning writer.

Don't fall into it.

In the first sense of the word, you can help but be original -you are originating- causing something to come into being that wouldnt occur without your effort. To accept the modern all-or-nothing sense of the word dooms you to failure because you have set an impossible goal: to invent materials and shapes that have no precedents."

I was temporarily floored by this revelation. So many people don't write because they are afraid of being "un-original," and so many people that do write, think that their writing is flawed because they may have been influenced by one writer or another, and therefore are simply just "imitators".

We are original, people! Every single one of us! Everything we do is original because we are doing it in our own way!!!

I am personally encouraged by this and I hope that, if any of my friends, or even friends-to-be, stumble upon this entry, that they will be encouraged too.

* Jason, Phillip, and Lefcowitz, Allen. Creative Writer's Handbook. New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2005

I was watching this video yesterday - an interview done with my mom and dad when Mark, my brother, won a local singing competition - and I realized something that made me really sad: This is one of the very few video clips I have where I can hear their voices. In fact, right now, this is the only way I can hear their voices. I'm not like other "kids" - my parents are deaf. I can't just call them up and say "Hey Mom, how was your weekend?" or "Hey Dad, how was your Alaska Bike Run?" I guess, technically, I could call my Dad now that he has his cochlear implant, but he is so incredibly busy and it's hard to get him on the phone. My Mom did just get a CapTel phone, where she can speak into the phone and the dialogue from the other side of the line is typed out for her to read, but she doesn't have it set up yet...

I just really miss hearing their voices. I really miss them, period.

Having realized that being able to hear their voices and see them, even though I'm nine hundred miles away, it motivates me to start recording more of our family events. My dad always had a camcorder when I was growing up. So much so, in fact, that my first eight or nine years of life are on film  =)  However, over the past decade, we haven't really taken the time to document our time together. It's important to me that we do, because our time together as a whole family is rare... When my parents are gone, I want to be able to pop in a DVD and see them and hear them... It won't make up for anything, but it will make things just a tiny bit easier to bear.

I feel the same about my brothers. Sometimes I will save their voicemails so I can go back to them and hear their voices... It's hard being away from my family sometimes, but... it's good, too. Sometimes you have to be away from everyone and everything you ever knew to truly do something with your life.

I'm proud of everything I've done on my own, but... I sure can't wait to see everyone again!

... till NaNoWriMo '09! I failed miserably last year, completely due to lack of follow-through. I am determined to complete not only the goal of 50,000 words, but also the goal of completing a novel, and I am focused on the "prize" of getting a copy of my NaNoNovel in print from CreateSpace.

The NaNo boards officially opened yesterday, on my birthday. Everything is new and shiny and makes me even more excited for November 1st to roll around. There's a huge NaNo "community" here in Texas, so I am looking forward to all of the Write-In's and meet-up's. Hopefully I'll make some new writing buddies/friends!

I am writing a historical fiction novel titled Notes in F#. It was originally titled Song of War, but I decided that title was too... I dunno, boring. I once posted a synopsis of it on a writing message board and was told that the (original) plot was too overdone:

"Frank, a talented, young Jewish cellist, is taken prisoner by the Nazi’s to an extermination camp in the middle years of World War II. His musical talents are discovered while he is imprisoned and he is given special privileges in return for entertaining the German troops. Wanting to use his privileges to his advantage and somehow help his fellow prisoners, many who are waiting to die in the gas chambers, he begins secreting their letters away in his cello. The risks he takes are dangerous, and if he is found out, he will be executed. However, he is determined to survive, not only for his sake, but also for the sake of everyone who entrusted him with their last message to the world."

It was suggested that I revise the plot, so I came up with this:

"In 1947, Frank, a young, American cellist, discovers a stash of letters in the false back to a cello he bought from a second-hand shop. As he reads the letters, he realizes that they are from former prisoners of the Auschwitz concentration camp. He doesn’t know how they came to be in the back of the cello, or how the cello came to be in New York City, or who they’re from, but he does have something to go off of – the recipients of the letters. And so, he begins a quest to deliver the letters to their intended destination, and in turn, begins to piece together stories of war… and of love."

And that - my friends - is all I have to "go off of" for my NaNoNovel this year. I haven't done much research as of yet, but you'd better believe that the library and internet sources are going to be my best friends over the next two months!

I do have some notes that I've saved from various internet sources on what life in Auschwitz was like, as well as what life was like after the camps were liberated. What I really need to read about and research is what life was like here in the States while the War was going on. Nick has work all this weekend, so I'll probably spend my time at Barnes & Noble and the library, taking notes. Fun, fun!  =)

I'd better get used to staying up late to write before November 1st comes around, because I have a feeling that the wee small hours of the morning will be when I do most, if not all, of my writing. Sooo - I'm starting tonight!

Wow! The Shiba 500 is no joke! Godric ran the "500" after his bath today. I had to work hard to calm him down, but he eventually did, and I was able to snuggle with him before he ate his dinner. He was not happy in the tub. It took us maybe 20 minutes to get him all "sudsy" and then we had to rinse him off. Nick actually sat with him in the tub and cuddled him when he was getting too anxious - such a good daddy =)

Nick and I took him for a walk before his bath and we encountered five - yes, five - dogs in less than ten minutes. He did well with the first two, growled(?) at the other two, and then did well with the last one. When we encountered the first two, Godric laid down on the sidewalk and waited for them to come up. I don't know why he did that, but it was really cute =)

I can't say "for sure," because I'm not a veterinarian, but he still seems to be recovering really well from his heartworm treatment. We may take him with us when we go to Jacksonville in two weeks. He'll be a week away from the end of his recovery period, and besides, he loves car rides and we would likely stay in a hotel so that he wouldn't get too excited by other people and animals. I can't wait for our families to meet him and see how absolutely gorgeous and loveable he is!

I am so thankful that we were able to adopt him. Right now, he's sitting on the floor next to my chair. He's probably waiting for me to get in bed and call him up to snuggle... Guess I'd better go =)

Well, I have a busy week ahead of me, work-wise, so I thought I'd update now, just in case I don't have the time to do so this week. Godric is recovering really well from his heartworm treatment. He has tons of energy and really looks forward to the typical three walks a day we give him. He is learning to play "Fetch" with his tennis ball and is a champ at retrieving it =)

(Excuse the bad quality. This, and the other pictures, were taken with my cell phone camera. We have a new camera but need to get a USB cord for it first, so we can hook it up to the computer.)

Godric is doing really well on his raw diet. He absolutely loves it when we fill his Kong with (natural, unsalted) peanut butter. He'll ignore everything for that! We've tried feeding him cut-up apple and a cube of carrot, but he wasn't interested. I may get some plain yogurt the next time we're at the store, put it in his Kong, and freeze it as a treat. He does like the two treats we feed him for good behavior - all-natural chicken jerky, and dry-roasted buffalo liver. Yum! I'm trying to teach him to "Sit" now. It's going along, slowly but surely =)

We still have three more weeks 'til Godric is "in the clear" from his treatment, but he's doing better by the day - I can tell. He will be better right on time for his birthday on October 25th, so we're happy about that. We'll have a small party for him or something =)

Today, he's going to hang out with Nick while I service an account. I typically don't work on the weekend, but hey - it'll be easy and it's money. You won't catch me turning that down! The week ahead, as I said, will be busy, but I will update here when I can. Have a fantastic week, everyone!

Yesterday, we took Godric for his second and final shot. He did really good - didn't even flinch. Meanwhile, I had to hide my face =) Yuck, I hate needles! The doctor reminded us to keep Godric's activity to a minimum for the next 30 days and to call if we had any questions or concerns. We were in and out within 20 minutes!

Afterwards, on the way home, Godric kept trying to stand on the armrest between me and Nick, and we had to keep pushing him back and telling him "No." I looked back a few minutes later and saw this face:

Isn't he too cute for words?! He was just resting his chin on the armrest and he looked so darn cute, I just had to snap a picture with my cellphone. This is definitely good training for having children, because if I don't grow a stronger back-bone soon, they'll walk all over me =)

Godric was pretty tired when we got home and appeared to be sore on the side where he got his shot. He slept pretty much all day and wasn't interested in his dinner. I felt so bad because I knew he didn't feel good, but I knew it was best to let him rest. He slept the whole night on the couch, just like this:

This morning, though, I heard him in the kitchen, so I sat up in bed and called him. He came bounding in the room and jumped on the bed to give me "good morning" kisses =) He laid down next to me and we slept for another hour before Nick called to wake me up. I fed Godric his breakfast and he ate the whole thing =)

About 30 minutes ago, I took him out to do his business. I was a little worried because he's not a typical dog who can "go" just anywhere. I have to actually walk him a ways before he finds a suitable place to go. Thankfully, we just had to walk around the corner and he was able to relieve himself. I don't want him to get his heart-rate up and then possibly have complications from blood-flow problems.

Nick and I hope to go back to Jacksonville soon, and of course, we can't take Godric with us while he's recovering, so we may either put him in Doggy Daycare, or have someone come by a few times a day to feed him, walk him, and spend some time with him. We'll see what happens.

For now, though, we're all taking it as easy as we can and making sure our "fur baby" is comfortable and loved.

Today was Godric's first injection treatment for his heartworms.

"Getting to know you, getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like meeeee!" This song, from The King & I, has been on my mind the past two days =) Godric is adjusting well. Now that we've had a full two days with him, we've gotten to know a lot more about him, and even a little about his past, by observing him. He literally just started playing with all the toys we have for him. The past two days, he seemed almost scared to play with his toys, as if he wasn't sure if he'd be punished for doing so. Now, though, he's playing with a squeaky, yellow tennis ball and having a blast =)

He also is still a little timid around men, even Nick. If Nick gets up or bends down too quickly, Godric gets startled. I haven't noticed him doing that around me. It'll just take some more patience and love for Godric to learn that he will never be hurt again and that he can trust our love for him. We will definitely be working on building his confidence, not only in himself, but also in us.

He does really well on a leash and is "cool as a cucumber" around other dogs. I took him for a late afternoon walk earlier and we came upon a woman with a little collie mix. The two dogs greeted each other politely, Godric patiently endured some petting from the woman, and we went on our merry way. I am SO proud of him! =)

Tomorrow, I have an account to do, so he will be by himself for the first time. I'll only be gone about an hour, so it'll be interesting to see how he does. He is so good around the house while we sleep at night, so I hope that with a brisk walk and potty break in the morning, as well as breakfast and some play time, that he'll be fine when I have to leave to service my accounts.

Afterwards, I am going to drive Godric to the vet and see if the doctor can see us and give him an X-ray to determine the severity of the heartworms. I also want to get him started on flea (and possibly heartworm) prevention, too, and maybe some allergy medicine, if necessary, for his occasional sneezing. I hope we can get him back to better than new SOON so he can enjoy the rest of his long, long life in his forever home =)

Well, it's getting late and I'm getting sleepy. Godric is snoozing on the floor behind me and I think I'm gonna snuggle with him for a bit. Good-night!

Well, today is Godric's second day with us.

Yesterday, we took him with us on some errands that Nick had to run and he did GREAT on the car-ride. He mostly sleeps, but at stop-lights he'll get up and check everything out. While Nick was meeting with customers, I took Godric out for walks around the various neighborhoods. He finally did his business, which relieved me. Hopefully we can get him on a regular eating and walking schedule now.

We found someone on CraigsList who was selling a Kodak EasyShare camera, practically brand new, so we messaged them and arranged to meet on the way to another jobsite, and we got the camera. What a GREAT deal! I'm so excited that we have a camera again, because now I can really go crazy with new pictures of Godric =)

After all of the errands for the day were done, we stopped by The Dog Bowl so Godric could meet Jacqueline. She suggested that we add Wild Alaskan Salmon Oil to his daily meals, as well as the B.A.R.F supplement that has additional enzymes and pesticide-free whole grains, such as barley, alfalfa, etc. We started his "vitamins" with dinner last night, and he didn't seem to mind in the least, so YEAH!! We also bought some dry-roasted buffalo liver to give him as a treat. At first, he wasn't sure about it, probably because he didn't know it was food, but he finally ate a piece today and loved it. Now we can start positive reinforcement of all his good behavior =)

He didn't sleep with us last night, opting instead to sleep on the couch, but at 8:00 this morning, he jumped into bed for his "morning scratchies" =) I have a feeling that this is a tradition in the making!

I already fed him his breakfast, and now we're just waiting on Nick to get off the phone so we can go for a walk at the park across the street.

Today is gonna be a good day! =)

Well, after a three hour car ride there, and a three hour car ride back, Godric finally arrived home with us last night!

We met Cari in Temple, Texas for the "switch-off." She brought one of her Shiba's, Curly, so he could keep Godric (and her) company on the ride. Cari was very lovely, and I knew from talking with her, that she took very good care of our "fur-baby" while he was with her. Cari actually drove over SIX hours to the shelter in Marshall to pick Godric up! She brought his vet records with her for us, as well as the "release form" that his previous owner had to fill out. Mr. Stevens said that Godric was worthless because he is "solely a woman's dog." What a jerk!

Godric proved him wrong, though, by immediately taking to Nick. In fact, while we were introducing Godric to his new bed, he gave Nick doggy-kisses all over his face =)

When we brought Godric home last night, we played with him for a while and then fed him about a quarter patty of the Combination B.A.R.F diet - he LOVED it! We took him out for a quick walk about 2 hours later and he did his business. We wound up going to bed pretty late - around 12:30. It didn't take but a few minutes for him to jump in bed with us and snuggle up next to me =)

This morning, when we woke up, he was still snuggled by me. We spent about 20 minutes, just scratching him and loving on him. He is truly spoiled =)

Here are some pictures of Godric from last night and this morning: